In one of those studies that make you think researchers have the best access to obscure mind-altering substances, doctors at the University of Barcelona discovered that surgeons are more attractive than other doctors. They used film and TV actors who played doctors as their “control,” and discovered this shocking news:

Film stars who played doctors or surgeons were significantly better looking than their real counterparts.

Yes, they discovered that George Clooney is better looking than the average doctor. Note to researchers: he’s better looking than 99 percent of the men on the planet. No offense, other men. You’re just fine in your own special ways.

(In fairness, that study was published in a “lighthearted Christmas edition” of the British Medical Journal.)

In other surprising news, small cars apparently do worse in crash tests against large vehicles.

“The laws of physics simply dictate in a crash between the two vehicles, smaller cars get the worse end of the deal,” David Zuby of the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety, told CTV News.

Wait, you mean if my baby Toyota Echo crashes into a Hummer, that would be bad? Oh well, it’s good on gas.